“Sit down bitch, you move again I’ll beat the shit out of you! Don’t make me wake this baby, she don’t need to see what I’m bout to do. Quit crying bitch! why you always make me shout at you? How could you , Just leave me and love him out the blue? Awww , what’s the matter bitch? Am I too loud for you? Too bad bitch, you’re finally gonna hear me out this time. At first I’m like “aight, you...
How to put the moves on a girl in 7 easy steps. (Or at least my personal experience.) STEP 1: Compliment her. ”You have the cutest freckles” “You are gorgeous” “You have always been beautiful but now you are really stunning” “You have nice earlobes” Wtf? Earlobes really…. -.- STEP 2: Touch her in a flirtatious but nonsexual way. Depending on how...
Reason number 5615 why I need a boyfriend.
Creepy man: hi, what’s your name? Me: kristen….. attempts to look busy Creepy man: you’re beautiful. do you have a boyfriend? Me: yes… Creepy man: do you live with him? Me: uh…. no….. Creepy man: good, id like to come by sometime, maybe make you some dinner. Me: I don’t think he would like that. Creepy man: he won’t have to know, its just sex. Me: okay dick, that’s a no… but nice...
Why? because I’m not having any. What they don’t tell you in movies:the aftermath. People trying to remove their parts from other people’s parts without losing their grip on a squishysquashygushy condom; locating the box of tissues they believe is way under the bed without actually getting out of the bed; dressing underneath the blankets-one of you, anyway- then having to...
The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places.– Ernest Hemingway (via quotewhore)
High as fuck. Screaming. “Omg guys, I can’t move my brain!”
I miss you. How long has it been? 4 months? Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together, fuckin’ real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn’t want it, SAM! So what we got now is FaceTime! Everything’s built on that, that’s all we got boy, fuckin’ all. So I hope you know that, if you don’t never know the rest! You count the damn few times we...
Look victor!! Apple approves "anti-gay" iPhone app →
razzthekidd: patrickstuart: Congratulations, Apple. Quotes: “The app asks users whether they agree with four statements on abortion and same-sex marriage and those who answer that they are pro-choice and pro-gay marriage are told that they are incorrect.” “It also has links to read and sign up to the full declaration, which says that gay relationships are “immoral” and that same-sex...
My Favorite Quotes 1. Beneath the makeup and behind the smile, I’m just a girl who wishes for the world. 2. The most important thing in illness is never to lose heart. 3. When he smiled, I smiled. When he cried, I cried. Every single thing that ever happened to me that mattered, in some way had to do with him. That day we promised each other that no matter what, that we’d always be...
I haven't loved many people in my life...
But you were the first.
To my dearest wifey, Kristen
rodsa1212: WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS THE LACK OF HAPPINESS I FEEL NOW WE ARE PARTED. IT IS LIKE A STORM THAT CLASHES, LIKE A SAD CHILD THAT HAS LOST HIS FAVORITE TOY I SHALL RETURN…like in the summer YOU BETTA MOTHAFUCKA!!! =)
I miss you, more than I can possibly say. You NEED to come visit me asap. =) love love love love love love love love you.
Adventures of Kristen and Jacob. ep.107
Victor: I’m so excited we are going to have sex tonight. Jacob: no Victor: Well, Im going to suck your dick Jacob: No, I’m gonna drink my nyquil and go to sleep Victor: Doesnt matter, I’ll just play with it when you fall asleep. *grabs bottle of nyquil* Lets get drunk! Kristen: …..o.0 wtf?
Day 7: Lust
7 love secrets, jacob turn away. 1. I have a 26 inch cock while in a cold pool, surrounded by unattractive people… and asleep. 2. I have never had makeup sex…. ever. 3. Coitus more ferarum < ya tu sabessss 4. Eminem is the only person I have ever had a sexual dream about. (the rest are about going to the grocery store and like.. buying grapes. o.0) 5. Slow sex… is weird....
…it took me too long to realize that I don’t take good pictures, cuz...– Ani Difranco
Day 6: Sloth
7 guilty pleasures… why would one feel guilty about pleasure? 1. Shopping. OMG. I would dickslap Jesus, for a shopping spree. 2. Gossiping 3. Talking about sex (I blame Jose for this) 4. Collecting gay men like pokemon 5. Megan Fox movies < because there is no legit reason to watch them. 6. Uncouth humor 7. Anything Fluffy
Day 5: Greed
7 worldly material desires…… okay, this one seems rather pointless after the envy one. 1. A home in Carmel, CA. (the one with all the windows) 2. The entire collection of Christian Louboutan heels 3. A whole new wordrobe 4. The Deathly Hallows 5. A sex slave…. preferably Jake. 6. A clouded Leopard 7. hot fries… like right now.
“You have to know the answer to this question! If you were to die right now, how would you feel about your life?” I don’t know. I wouldn’t feel anything good about my life, is that what you wanted to hear me say? fine.
Day 4: Sloth
7 things I neglect to do 1. Go to work today. -.- 2. Go running, I need a motivator. 3. Take my medication. Some days I will literally stare at it as it sits on my desk and then walk away. 4. Check on my parents. I’m aware of their existence because I see thievery from my bank account, but I really should call more. 5. Find Suzy on Tumballer 6. Anything school related, other than...